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Hello!
[Edited 23/11/22 to serve as a better intro post]
Name: harrow
Age: so close to 30 i can basically touch it
Obligatory Star Sign Lineup (so you can say 'ah that explains' in peace): Aquarius ☀ Pisces 🌙 Saggitarius 🔼
Content Summary: music recs, fic talk (mostly kpop rpf at the moment [SKZ, ATEEZ, the occasional BTS, TBZ, NCT]), original fiction talk (I have many projects going on;-;), art; may contain traces of Taking Historical Accuracy Too Seriously (unless it's inconvenient) and Space.
AO3
( Read more... )
'22 Fic Summary
Dec. 14th, 2022 06:08 pmUsually I do my yearly writing summaries in my paper diary (which I will still do because it's therapeutic), but I figured I'd take advantage of having a longform blogging thingamabob around this time for digital archival purposes. 2022 was my second year active on the harrowsong account and is also the year in which I moved from Bangtan & c-ent RPF fic to primarily skids (with a side helping of ATEEZ and a sprinkle of TBZ & NCT for flavour).
If you don't want to read all the way to the bottom, I'll spoil my favourite fic I wrote this year now: boldly going, the ATEEZ seongjoong tentacle one that features an absolutely overindulgent amount of worldbuilding for what was supposed to be a one-page pwp and turned into a fun little story about Hongjoong going 'oh shit oh fuck' every five seconds (also bioluminescent Seonghwa).
Details under the cut.
( Read more... )
If you don't want to read all the way to the bottom, I'll spoil my favourite fic I wrote this year now: boldly going, the ATEEZ seongjoong tentacle one that features an absolutely overindulgent amount of worldbuilding for what was supposed to be a one-page pwp and turned into a fun little story about Hongjoong going 'oh shit oh fuck' every five seconds (also bioluminescent Seonghwa).
Details under the cut.
( Read more... )
a bucketful of space fic frustrations
Dec. 8th, 2022 04:39 pm[re: ATEEZ jongsang/ot8 space omegaverse hot mess (working title: let gravity do what it does from Foreign Fields' Correct Me]
I got very excited sometime last week (or was it Sunday...? It might have been Sunday) thinking: oh look! Space nun Jongho fic has a chapter! But I actually really don't have a chapter... This fic is so frustrating. There a laundrly list of reasons why writing is so hard for me right now, but the nagging fear in the back of my head is just... that I'm done with the fandom. Which, if it happens, is fine! Not the first time I grow out of a (creative) interest. The beginning stages are still so awful though, every time. Like missing a step on the stairs or stepping in a puddle in the dark. Not ready to let go quite yet.
(Or it's just good old writer's block and I'm being dramatic for nothing. Or it's the fact that my mother in law died three weeks ago and organising a funeral in this country is literal hell and I also constantly worry over my fucking thesis. You know. Any of those things will do it.)
That said, what I have is not bad at all. I'm enjoying the vibes, the worldbuilding is flowing really well, and I managed to get some banger lines into 1k or so of solid writing which is overall a good thing. I'm trying to practice what I preach and give myself (brain and heart) time to process what it needs to and not force writing even when I feel inspired or in the mood. No point in torturing myself over something that's supposed to be fun for me. I spent some time last week figuring out Yeosang's place in the narrative (which is something I'm prone to do, forgetting about the positionality of the love interest when writing setting-heavy stories) which was an interesting exercise. Even if nothing comes of it, thinking about the setting, relationships, bodies and stories in it was as fun as it always is. I feel like I need to learn to be okay with 'writing for the drawer' and resting my brain instead of beating my head against the wall. Maybe I'll put whatever I have in doc here to satisfy 'must FINISH' brain and try letting go for once in my life.
I'll be back. I petted myself on the shoulder just now, too, for good measure. I'll be back.
I got very excited sometime last week (or was it Sunday...? It might have been Sunday) thinking: oh look! Space nun Jongho fic has a chapter! But I actually really don't have a chapter... This fic is so frustrating. There a laundrly list of reasons why writing is so hard for me right now, but the nagging fear in the back of my head is just... that I'm done with the fandom. Which, if it happens, is fine! Not the first time I grow out of a (creative) interest. The beginning stages are still so awful though, every time. Like missing a step on the stairs or stepping in a puddle in the dark. Not ready to let go quite yet.
(Or it's just good old writer's block and I'm being dramatic for nothing. Or it's the fact that my mother in law died three weeks ago and organising a funeral in this country is literal hell and I also constantly worry over my fucking thesis. You know. Any of those things will do it.)
That said, what I have is not bad at all. I'm enjoying the vibes, the worldbuilding is flowing really well, and I managed to get some banger lines into 1k or so of solid writing which is overall a good thing. I'm trying to practice what I preach and give myself (brain and heart) time to process what it needs to and not force writing even when I feel inspired or in the mood. No point in torturing myself over something that's supposed to be fun for me. I spent some time last week figuring out Yeosang's place in the narrative (which is something I'm prone to do, forgetting about the positionality of the love interest when writing setting-heavy stories) which was an interesting exercise. Even if nothing comes of it, thinking about the setting, relationships, bodies and stories in it was as fun as it always is. I feel like I need to learn to be okay with 'writing for the drawer' and resting my brain instead of beating my head against the wall. Maybe I'll put whatever I have in doc here to satisfy 'must FINISH' brain and try letting go for once in my life.
I'll be back. I petted myself on the shoulder just now, too, for good measure. I'll be back.
I'm not going to mixtape this time, actually! I've been in a different mood this week, and so instead of an 8-track playlist, I'm going to recommend two albums I managed to get stuck into in the last few days.
1. Take Cover, Foreign Fields (2016)
I know nothing about the artist in question, which is generally how I (used to?) prefer consuming music. I also don't read lyrics very often. Since English is not my first language, I find it easy to tune out what songs are actually saying, so a lot of times music for me is vibes-first, meaning second.
This album is just very... chewy, chewy in a way that feels good in my ear. It's dense, alternative folk-y but in a way that feels thick instead of stripped-down the way a lot of alter-folk music does. I've been listening to the song Correct Me from this album for a long time, actually—it has great vibes for tortured characters, hence the song's appearance on many of my original character and DnD playlists :) Other highlights from the album listen include I Killed You In The Morning, Weeping Red Devil and In Love Again.
2. Indigo, RM (2022)
I've only been kpop-adjacent for about two years, a little less, actually. BTS was my gateway drug. A lot of people have complicated feelings about them—I can see why, I've heard why, many of the arguments were what actually kept me away from them and the overall genre for a long time. But their music came into my life at a time where the anger, sadness and comfort of it was sorely needed. Namjoon in turn was the member who had wormed his way into my heart in a way none of the others (or anybody from other groups) had done. There's something uncomfortably parasocial about it, but all of his solo works (mono since 2021, and now indigo in particular) give me a sense that we are similar genres of people at the bottom of things.
They cover different genres, but both of these albums share a lot in feeling: there is a wistfulness in them but in a way that feels crawling and visceral, human in a way that feels like my hand is being held—if not in support, then in a venn-diagram of mutual recognition. Art does what it does. Here, I found myself mirrored in scraped-up (dis)comfort.
1. Take Cover, Foreign Fields (2016)
I know nothing about the artist in question, which is generally how I (used to?) prefer consuming music. I also don't read lyrics very often. Since English is not my first language, I find it easy to tune out what songs are actually saying, so a lot of times music for me is vibes-first, meaning second.
This album is just very... chewy, chewy in a way that feels good in my ear. It's dense, alternative folk-y but in a way that feels thick instead of stripped-down the way a lot of alter-folk music does. I've been listening to the song Correct Me from this album for a long time, actually—it has great vibes for tortured characters, hence the song's appearance on many of my original character and DnD playlists :) Other highlights from the album listen include I Killed You In The Morning, Weeping Red Devil and In Love Again.
2. Indigo, RM (2022)
I've only been kpop-adjacent for about two years, a little less, actually. BTS was my gateway drug. A lot of people have complicated feelings about them—I can see why, I've heard why, many of the arguments were what actually kept me away from them and the overall genre for a long time. But their music came into my life at a time where the anger, sadness and comfort of it was sorely needed. Namjoon in turn was the member who had wormed his way into my heart in a way none of the others (or anybody from other groups) had done. There's something uncomfortably parasocial about it, but all of his solo works (mono since 2021, and now indigo in particular) give me a sense that we are similar genres of people at the bottom of things.
They cover different genres, but both of these albums share a lot in feeling: there is a wistfulness in them but in a way that feels crawling and visceral, human in a way that feels like my hand is being held—if not in support, then in a venn-diagram of mutual recognition. Art does what it does. Here, I found myself mirrored in scraped-up (dis)comfort.
indigo hours
Dec. 2nd, 2022 10:57 pmnothing to say except i sobbed like a child to wild flower while feeling like my hand was held through immeasurable distance.
It counts even if it's late! Here's to surviving.
1. Hymn for Her, Ames (gay gay gay gay gay)
2. Riot, Arrested Youth (I'm getting Kace mixtapes in my life again through a complex matrix of dungeons and dragons and mandalorian)
3. Tomorrow, BTS (a comfort song.)
4. All For Love, WayV (WayV does the best music by a long shot in the entire NCT oeuvre I'm SORRY)
5. Paint Me (Orchestral Version), MAMAMOO (somehow I always listen to this when I'm back home?)
6. Silent Cry, SKZ (hot girls have to get their sads out somehow)
7. Working for the Knife, Mitski (i still can't believe I saw her live???)
8. Maze, The8 (the way this is a lullaby that also makes me want to sob uncontrollably!!)
1. Hymn for Her, Ames (gay gay gay gay gay)
2. Riot, Arrested Youth (I'm getting Kace mixtapes in my life again through a complex matrix of dungeons and dragons and mandalorian)
3. Tomorrow, BTS (a comfort song.)
4. All For Love, WayV (WayV does the best music by a long shot in the entire NCT oeuvre I'm SORRY)
5. Paint Me (Orchestral Version), MAMAMOO (somehow I always listen to this when I'm back home?)
6. Silent Cry, SKZ (hot girls have to get their sads out somehow)
7. Working for the Knife, Mitski (i still can't believe I saw her live???)
8. Maze, The8 (the way this is a lullaby that also makes me want to sob uncontrollably!!)
I have always wanted to do blog segments! I think blog segments are really fun, it's nice to have something regular to write every week if there's nothing else to do, and I think I'm very over the performance anxiety of showing my ass (music taste) on the Internet since I encountered kpop twitter as a concept :'D This is gonna be my weekly music summary, titled after a segment* in the podcast Just King Things in which two dudes read Stephen King's literary oeuvre in publication order and make a lot of statements that start with '...reading this in 2021, however...'. (It's great fun if you're into horror/science fiction literature, being exasperated at your favourite authors' Shenanigans™, or if you have been exposed to SK books way too young (like me. Christine, age 11.).)
This week's musical theme is 'survive the worst month of my life with as few scars as possible', and as such, the genre mix is eclectic!
1. Darkness At The Heart Of My Love, Ghost [theoretically doom/prog metal but this is very gentle]
2. Le Miroir, Alcest [prog metal. Alcest will feature here a lot, I think...]
3. The Astronaut, JIN (BTS) [this song speaks to me in a way that's too tender to talk about]
4. No Goodbye (Extended Version), Paul Kalkbrenner [just good beats all the way down]
5. Fairytale, Dreamcatcher [this speaks to my 2008 anime girl soul]
6. TASTE, SKZ (Lee Know, Hyunjin, Felix) [need I say anything]
7. Stardust Chords, Greta Van Fleet [I'm actually kinda scared this group will turn out to be made of 100% christian fundamentalists or something but their music makes my brain go brrr]
8. THANKS, SEVENTEEN [again, need I say anything? Also watch the performance video for this if you haven't yet because Jesus Christ]
Links lead to youtube videos. If you have music recommendations, let me know! I listen to pretty much everything (except maybe techno) and I love inserting new stuff in my brain :)
*The segment is called Uncle Stevie's Mixtape. I don't know why I love the title so much but it just. Feels chewy in my brain.
This week's musical theme is 'survive the worst month of my life with as few scars as possible', and as such, the genre mix is eclectic!
1. Darkness At The Heart Of My Love, Ghost [theoretically doom/prog metal but this is very gentle]
2. Le Miroir, Alcest [prog metal. Alcest will feature here a lot, I think...]
3. The Astronaut, JIN (BTS) [this song speaks to me in a way that's too tender to talk about]
4. No Goodbye (Extended Version), Paul Kalkbrenner [just good beats all the way down]
5. Fairytale, Dreamcatcher [this speaks to my 2008 anime girl soul]
6. TASTE, SKZ (Lee Know, Hyunjin, Felix) [need I say anything]
7. Stardust Chords, Greta Van Fleet [I'm actually kinda scared this group will turn out to be made of 100% christian fundamentalists or something but their music makes my brain go brrr]
8. THANKS, SEVENTEEN [again, need I say anything? Also watch the performance video for this if you haven't yet because Jesus Christ]
Links lead to youtube videos. If you have music recommendations, let me know! I listen to pretty much everything (except maybe techno) and I love inserting new stuff in my brain :)
*The segment is called Uncle Stevie's Mixtape. I don't know why I love the title so much but it just. Feels chewy in my brain.
punching the proverbial soup
Nov. 18th, 2022 05:45 pm.... on second thought that might not work as well in English, but alas.
I've unearthed my fic wip spreadsheet today—spreadsheets and notion came up in a conversation and I was shopping around for ideas in my docs anyway, which was as good an excuse as any to fill out the missing entries that had piled up on ao3 in the last few months. (If you're even a little bit into pretty databases with which to track your writing, I cannot recommend Notion enough.)
There are two big and one small fic ideas on my list, which is my biggest headache at the moment: I love both big ideas dearly, but I'm nervous about committing to either of them because historically, I'm not a very good longform writer. I have done it before and I think both fics (kissapocalypse [bangtan] and marginal, hereditary [skids]) are decent enough, but I have always done my best work in the 1k-5k range and I'm not feeling too good about Pushing my Boundaries at this moment. Keeping plot stuff in mind is hard! Pacing is harder! I can never figure out what to leave in the negative space when I have theoretically infinite amount of words to work with!
At the same time, my brain has completely been consumed by this minchan idea a twitter conversation had awakened in me. So:
Jane Eyre Minchan Woes (aka Attic Wife Fic)
Okay, it's not really Jane Eyre, or at least not a 1:1 borrowing of the premise. First of all I would never set a k-ent fic in Victorian England without a specific reason.* Second of all, it's obviously a 'what if Jane met Bertha and they fell in love' story, in which Chan Jane Eyre is a Joseon era woman scholar (immediately contradicting the findings of my historical research) and Minho is the attic wife.
The aesthetics of Joseon period Korea are probably pretty familiar to anybody who watches historical kdramas. The Joseon dynasty is the longest lasting Korean imperial dynasty which means it presents plenty of material for adaptation or setting (the drama that immediately comes to my mind is Rookie Historian Goo Hae-ryung, while My Country: The New Age covers the time between the end of the Goryeo-beginning of Joseon period. My favourite historical kdrama (Scarlet Heart Ryeo) is set in the Goryeo period which would have been fun as a setting, too, but I ultimately found the neo-confucianist Joseon 19th century more interesting as a sociopolitical backdrop.
...to a horny f/f minchan fic which doesn't need to be historically accurate at all. Sigh.)
There is one fun tidbit that surfaced as I was going deeper and deeper into wikipedia pages about yangban court and family structures. See, dear reader, I had to give Minho a husband. Obviously I wouldn't do that to any of the other kids—the only one of them who could conceivably suit the Evil Husband Trope would be Minho himself**, tbh, and he can't exactly be the husband to his attic wife alter ego, can he? (...Unless.......... ***) I also didn't want to use just Some Surname for the absentee husband. (Because of Historical Accuracy™, yes, but also the fear that I'll accidentally invoke an idol I don't know about and upset some people is real,,)
As it happens, wikipedia has a list of common Yangban surnames out there, ripe for the picking. And wouldn't you believe, one of those names is Moon after the Moon family of the East Tamna Dynasty, Jeju. Which is (kind of) the wrong historical period, yes, but listen—wouldn't it be hysterical if Minho's useless absentee husband was NCT Moon Taeil, attic wifing Minho because his mom thinks Minho is too nosy for her own good and Moon 'I know that women exist, conceptually' Taeil, minor minister at court, is too busy fucking an up-and-coming young scholar (Haechan because this is my house and I do what I want) to really internalise that he's married? Yes it would. It would be hysterical. Even if only I know about it, tbh.
Which sadly throws a wrench in my vague plans to have Chan eat Useless Husband's heart in the end (she's a kumiho, have I mentioned that before? No? Well, this is still my house, and giving Chan complexes about not belonging in any community (s)he is living in is one of my life's few joys). On the other hand the image is simply too funny to dismiss outright.
Which is not to say I will ever actually write this fic. My woes are alas still present: longficcing is a pain on a good day, and I haven't had one of those since, mumbles, like end of July this year? Maybe? Sitting in my dad's empty apartment in my home country waiting for phone calls is definitely not what I would call an environment conductive to creative challenges. I do however enjoy research, and thinking about women, and pondering the hilarity of casting Moon Taeil as pseudo-Mr Rochester. Out loud, as it were.
( Footnotes )
I've unearthed my fic wip spreadsheet today—spreadsheets and notion came up in a conversation and I was shopping around for ideas in my docs anyway, which was as good an excuse as any to fill out the missing entries that had piled up on ao3 in the last few months. (If you're even a little bit into pretty databases with which to track your writing, I cannot recommend Notion enough.)
There are two big and one small fic ideas on my list, which is my biggest headache at the moment: I love both big ideas dearly, but I'm nervous about committing to either of them because historically, I'm not a very good longform writer. I have done it before and I think both fics (kissapocalypse [bangtan] and marginal, hereditary [skids]) are decent enough, but I have always done my best work in the 1k-5k range and I'm not feeling too good about Pushing my Boundaries at this moment. Keeping plot stuff in mind is hard! Pacing is harder! I can never figure out what to leave in the negative space when I have theoretically infinite amount of words to work with!
At the same time, my brain has completely been consumed by this minchan idea a twitter conversation had awakened in me. So:
Jane Eyre Minchan Woes (aka Attic Wife Fic)
Okay, it's not really Jane Eyre, or at least not a 1:1 borrowing of the premise. First of all I would never set a k-ent fic in Victorian England without a specific reason.* Second of all, it's obviously a 'what if Jane met Bertha and they fell in love' story, in which Chan Jane Eyre is a Joseon era woman scholar (immediately contradicting the findings of my historical research) and Minho is the attic wife.
The aesthetics of Joseon period Korea are probably pretty familiar to anybody who watches historical kdramas. The Joseon dynasty is the longest lasting Korean imperial dynasty which means it presents plenty of material for adaptation or setting (the drama that immediately comes to my mind is Rookie Historian Goo Hae-ryung, while My Country: The New Age covers the time between the end of the Goryeo-beginning of Joseon period. My favourite historical kdrama (Scarlet Heart Ryeo) is set in the Goryeo period which would have been fun as a setting, too, but I ultimately found the neo-confucianist Joseon 19th century more interesting as a sociopolitical backdrop.
...to a horny f/f minchan fic which doesn't need to be historically accurate at all. Sigh.)
There is one fun tidbit that surfaced as I was going deeper and deeper into wikipedia pages about yangban court and family structures. See, dear reader, I had to give Minho a husband. Obviously I wouldn't do that to any of the other kids—the only one of them who could conceivably suit the Evil Husband Trope would be Minho himself**, tbh, and he can't exactly be the husband to his attic wife alter ego, can he? (...Unless.......... ***) I also didn't want to use just Some Surname for the absentee husband. (Because of Historical Accuracy™, yes, but also the fear that I'll accidentally invoke an idol I don't know about and upset some people is real,,)
As it happens, wikipedia has a list of common Yangban surnames out there, ripe for the picking. And wouldn't you believe, one of those names is Moon after the Moon family of the East Tamna Dynasty, Jeju. Which is (kind of) the wrong historical period, yes, but listen—wouldn't it be hysterical if Minho's useless absentee husband was NCT Moon Taeil, attic wifing Minho because his mom thinks Minho is too nosy for her own good and Moon 'I know that women exist, conceptually' Taeil, minor minister at court, is too busy fucking an up-and-coming young scholar (Haechan because this is my house and I do what I want) to really internalise that he's married? Yes it would. It would be hysterical. Even if only I know about it, tbh.
Which sadly throws a wrench in my vague plans to have Chan eat Useless Husband's heart in the end (she's a kumiho, have I mentioned that before? No? Well, this is still my house, and giving Chan complexes about not belonging in any community (s)he is living in is one of my life's few joys). On the other hand the image is simply too funny to dismiss outright.
Which is not to say I will ever actually write this fic. My woes are alas still present: longficcing is a pain on a good day, and I haven't had one of those since, mumbles, like end of July this year? Maybe? Sitting in my dad's empty apartment in my home country waiting for phone calls is definitely not what I would call an environment conductive to creative challenges. I do however enjoy research, and thinking about women, and pondering the hilarity of casting Moon Taeil as pseudo-Mr Rochester. Out loud, as it were.
( Footnotes )
